The Wildest Roller Coaster of All

I'm surprised I have not suffered whip lash over these past few weeks.

Steep climb, head tilted back with no head rest to cradle my noggin.
Click click click.. wait for it... whooosh - rushing wind whips through my hair and my eyes blink rapidly from the tearing wind.

Turns making my stomach leap and twists making me feel like my heart is going to bound out of my chest.

This wild ride is simply called, life.

This has been the topic of much discussion in my home lately.
With all of the ups, downs, twists and unexpected turns - what else can we say other than, 'that's life.'

The ups have been great, as the 'ups' in our lives usually are.

The downs have been low indeed.
The downs have left me on my face before the Lord. 'Be merciful to me, oh Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, and my soul and my body with grief.' Psalm 31:9
I am comforted by the knowledge that he hears my cries. 1 John 5:14

The ups have been tremendous blessings. Moments on mountain tops where my eyes behold such beauty and with pure clean air filling up my lungs to sustain me through the inevitable valleys to come. "..but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:30

I continue to muddle through a wintery season of change (yes, I do know that it is still technically summer despite the children's return to school - but the season my life is in currently is defenitely winter). But my greatest comfort is that I do not walk this chilly path alone. Yes, I do have my husband who is my best friend and help mate - but I have the greatest one of all with me also.
There's a song by Natalie Grant called 'Held'. It's an incredibly beautiful song, that strictly speaking, does not apply to me. But I do feel that it comforts people going through all sorts of difficulties and sorrows that need to know that God is always here for us and when things are really tough, God is always here to hold us.

Now, there are things in my life that I can not fix, change or in any way do anything about. But then there are things that are in need of my attention and commitment that I really need to be about. I need to hold fast to one of my favorite verses found in one of my favorite books of the Bible, James. (James is found near the end of the New Testament - I highly recommend reading it if you need some encouragement and direction.)
James 1:5
If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

So now, I'm am going to strap on my seat belt, flip down that metal bar thingy, and brace myself for this continuing thriller - the roller coaster of life!

Twas The Night Before 1st Grade

Twas the night before 1st grade and in my thoughts I was lost

what will this year hold for him, what will be the cost

On the bus for the first time, shall he know what to do

stop worrying silly woman, he's excited to go too

Will he make new friends, find a buddy in class

if he's meant to he will, whether a lad or a lass

Will he get hurt, be teased for his broken speech

his teacher is kind, to those kids acceptance she will teach

Such dreams and hopes and wishes I have for my first son

courage I need for me, and pray he gets a ton

Why do I worry so, 'ye of little faith' my Lord must cry

I must trust in your providing and protection by and by

Heavenly Father, help me to trust him to your care each day

knowing you want what's best for him and love him even more than words can say

Bless my little man as he goes to study and learn

and rest in the assurance of your perfect concern.

What will the cost be of this year that lies ahead?

Fleeting time is the cost, as I see this growing boy slumber in his bed.

Thank you my Father for these boys with which we have been blessed

guide their steps as they grow, and help me be filled with your peace and rest.

What's In a Name?

I'm continuing to plug away on getting everything done in order to become a licensed family day care provider.
Orientation - check
Application Packet in - check
Referral Requests out - check
CPR/FIRST Aid class... still trying to fit that in
Health Form - bummer - need a physical to get that completed. Scheduled.... waiting...

Then there's the list of to-do's in and out of the house.

Here's one thing I can get done sooner than later. Pick a name for my business.
It needs to reflect the fact that I will be offering both day care and a preschool program (legally, I can say preschool enrichment program), and that this is a Christian home. (please take part in my poll to the side!!)

Once I decide on a name, I can complete my handbook, contract form, business cards, etc...
I was so wishing I had cards on me this evening as the family strolled around the classic car show at Wal-Mart (how small town!) and chatting to mother's of young children. It would be so easy to hand off a little business card.

I have 4 slots open - but wont be licensed until the end of October I'm thinking. Can I advertise?.. no?....

Then my nerves come into play:
Will they come.. I'm building it.. will they come?

Please come! I'm so looking forward to it!!!!!

W.O.F. II

I could run down a list of things I did this past week to explain why I have not written additional posts as promised regarding the Women of Faith conference, but I'll spare you!

Unfortunately, due to this delay, I'm going to have to resort to bullet points about the event as my mind these days resembles 'Dear Henry's' bucket. (come on, you remember the song from when you were a kid, right?!)

So here are some of the highlights of the conference for me.:

* The award for coolest chick to wear (and pull off) a bright orange leather jacket (and a black and silver jacket, and a shimmery silver jacket....) goes to Patsy Clairmont! This petite little powerhouse is just the most with-it 'mature' sister-in-Christ I've ever come across. She is just sooo cool!! Look at her!! I'm not that hip now in my 30's - I can't even imagine being so stylin' at her age!! I must add, not only did she rock her edgy jackets, she also wore sky high bright red shoes!! You go girl!!!!

* Sticking with my girl Patsy here for a moment, she also gets my award for the message that has stayed with me the strongest! I'm not going to go on and on explaining her story that she tells so beautifully, with such emotion and of course, humor when you can simply watch it here. Do yourself a favor, watch this!!!http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-HpRO8g9Qds

* The funniest moment of the conference goes to Anita Renfroe! Anita was part of the pre-conference ticket and I wouldn't have missed her for anything!! This gal is such a hoot!!! You may be familiar with her from her YouTube hit, The Mom Song, or from her appearances on Good Morning America. She had me and the rest of The Garden in stitches from the moment she came on until she began singing her closing song (which wins an award further down). She did a great bit where she shared a new outlet for all of us ladies when men scratch their heads and start thinking..'oh, it's THAT time!' She taught us to now blame everything on our thyroid. Another great moment was when she sang 'Maybe Next Time I'll Think Before I Eat'. (check it out!)

* After receiving a rousing standing ovation, Natalie Grant took to the stage for an encore. This encore gets my vote for Best Musical Moment! This beautiful young mother of twin girls got up and sang His Eye Is On The Sparrow with out music. It was so incredibly beautiful!! We all just stood amazed as she ministered to us with her beautiful voice. By the end, people were yelling 'sing it girlfriend', 'amen sister' and I do believe I heard a 'bring it home baby'! Yes she could hit the high notes and did a great job with those big notes that are so popular these days. But what really got me was her lower register. So rich and beautiful. (Boy, you'd think I know something about singing... but I don't - other than that I can't. You're welcome!) Tears streamed down my face at the beauty of her voice singing the very true words of the old familiar hymn. Please please record this Natalie!!!!

* Most heart tugging moment goes to Anita Renfroe. I never would have thought that this vote would go to the winner of the 'funniest moment'.. but it's true. After laughing for what seemed like hours at Anita's message, she finished it up with a song. Before singing this song (Which I have to refer to as 'this song' because I have no idea of the name.) she spoke of people in our lives who have come along and made us better people, who made such and impression and who are partially responsible for who we are today. This song was dedicated to those people. My mother died (I still can't even type those words without crying.) 4 1/2 months prior to the W.O.F. event and she was of course the person that this song was about for me. I'm not very comfortable grieving in front of people. I find just talking about my mum seems to make people uncomfortable. So I had to bite my lip and dig my nails into my hand in order to prevent myself from balling out loud. I looked down and tried to hide my reaction, but was found out by a few of the lovely ladies around me. I sat there thinking, 'Please don't try to hug me, please! I can keep it together if you just don't try to hug me!' As great as the song was, I was so happy it didn't go on one more line for I knew I would have had to run for the ladies room. So thanks Anita for making me cry and feel awkward ;) And also, for reminding me just how much my mother's memory will always mean to me!!!!!!!!!!

* Best thing about the return home.... Getting out of my friend Deb's car to find one of my boys plastered to the window and the other running out of the house to greet me!!!! The trip to Heidi's for ice cream with the gals on the way home would have to be a close second though ;)

Ladies First (Post I of WOF)

This time last week, I was packing up my children and myself. I was gearing up to drop my kids off with my sister so that I would be ready to leave at 7:30 the next morning with the gals from church to attend the Women Of Faith pre-conference in Boston!

One of the wonderful things about these conferences is that the fun isn't contained to just the function facility alone! It started the moment we gathered together for our trip into town!! I've included a few photos from our trip on the 'T'.

Aren't we blessed to be women? I love that when I see a friend I can go up and we throw our arms around each other. We can talk about how excited we're feeling about this event which we have been anxiously anticipating. We then start to share why this is coming at such a good time in our life.... I love that we can share!!

I love that between each session, we laugh about what we've heard, talk about what snack we are craving now, or be completely open and share that our behinds are crying out due to the punishing folding chairs and necks are aching from looking straight up at the mother of all screens.

I was very fortunate to be able to stay with some of my girlfriends at a hotel Friday night. Like teenage girls we got into our jamies, ate some junk food and chatted until the wee hours. Such fun!! Such great stuff!!! So wonderful to share your thoughts and feelings knowing that we each have different life experiences, and have endured a multitude of journeys that only make each woman a far more dear friend with a wealth of wisdom to share!

And laughter - oh the laughter!! Whether it be recounting the stories told by each speaker - or sharing our own zany lives! Great stuff laughter. Really, the best!! It was great to be able to share a couple of my Mum's silly escapades with a few gals as we stopped on our way home for some yummy ice cream!! Food, fellowship and laughter.. ok, now that's the best!!

As terrific as the WOF conference was - it was made far better by being able to share it with such dear ladies!!!!

next... the music

There Is a Season

I have been contemplating this post for days.

Had many great ideas - I have (as always) so much to say!

But tales of my weekend at WOF will have to wait...

To be honest, I am just having a really hard few days.

I came home from the retreat to a family anxiously awaiting my return. I was greeted by one child bounding out the door and the other plastered in the window watching me walk up the drive. My husband at the top of the stairs with a smile and dinner. It doesn't get much better than that, does it?!!

After a little dinner, my husband filled me in on the weekend's events. He then handed me some cards that a few friends had mailed to me and one given to him at my sister's cookout from a family member.
I opened the cards, amazed at how some of my friends are so good at remembering birthdays!! But then the last card.. The one that should have made me happy as it had money in it! ;) Instead sent me into a fit of tears. It was a card from my father. It was a pretty card with a purple iris on the front. Inside, it was signed "Happy Birthday - Love Dad"
"Love Dad".. in his writing. My first birthday card not signed "Love Mum & Dad"

This has left me in a valley for days. But then this morning, I got the call. "Hi Honey. Happy Birthday".. It was my Dad. He has never called on my birthday. The call I've received since moving out of my parents has been "Hello my angel! Happy Birthday my little love!" - always the same. Always those 8 words beginning the call.

It only seemed obvious that what would have been my parent's 50th anniversary, Mother's Day and my mother's birthday would be hard. But why is it that my birthday has been the hardest time for me since my Mum has died? I can hardly speak of it for fear of bursting into tears!

I had no idea that this would be such a difficult time!! I have so many obligations coming up - and I had been fearful to take them on months ago - but then thought I'd have to be in much better shape by now. I should have trusted my gut on this!!
I'm always so afraid of what others think of me. 'Will people think I'm crazy or pathetic for still grieving so much?'
I guess one good thing about ageing is that people tell me once you hit 40 (I have a few more years yet) you really begin to not care what other's think. Boy, I'll enjoy that.

So hear I am, trying to keep my chin up. Going along with the daily routines and trying to get some special activities in with the boys. Trying to keep up with my house hold chores. etc....

The Bible says that to every season there is a purpose under heaven (Eccl. 3:1). I think I have tried so desperately to suppress this season of grief. I don't think my mind/emotions, whatever you want to call it, will let me suppress it any longer. I need to get through the next few weeks and then take some time for myself. Not something I'm comfortable with. However, I think it's very necessary.

Sorry to have such a sad post yet again!!
Hopefully my season to weep and mourn will turn into a season of laughter (Eccl. 3: 4) and dancing soon!
I'll post about the retreat soon!

WOW!... No really - WOW!!

I went with some of my pals from church to the Women of Faith conference ~ Infinite Grace this weekend in Boston.
Amazing, incredible, outstanding, hysterical, moving, encouraging, inspiring... WOW!!

I have much more to share than adjectives.. but no time at the moment.
Watch for the days ahead to hear about this fabulous (oops.. another adjective) weekend!

I'm sure it will take many posts to cover it...