Monday, September 21, 2009

Nerves

Speaking tomorrow night at church.

Only 5 - 8 minutes. Sometimes less time is more nerve wracking.

Praying what I feel led to speak on has been put on my heart by God, and not my own agenda.

Praying that I don't take a path God has given me and then muddy it up with .. me.


Dear Lord,

I know you have been directing me to speak. I know you can use broken vessels for your glory. Help me to accept your calling and stop doubting myself - as this is about what you can and will do, not about my abilities.

As the verse you put on my heart says, 'Abide in me and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing... My Father is glorified by this, that you bear much fruit, and so prove to be My disciples" (John 15: 4, 5 and 8), I pray that I will bear much fruit for the purpose of bringing you glory Lord! Bless each of the women who are speaking tomorrow. Help them to know exactly what you'd like them to say. Bless each of the women who are coming to listen tomorrow Lord. Help them to each take away from the event the exact message you have for them.

Lord, please do not allow me to say one word that will be displeasing to you or that would take away from reaching a woman with your truth. Guide my every word, every inflection in my voice. Help me to 'rest in You'... abide in You oh Lord.


Praise you Jesus!

Amen

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Something To Think About..

I was asked today by a new 'friend' on Facebook (a darling former classmate) if I will be attending our 20th reunion in a few months. (boy, 20 year reunion sounds terrible ;)

I instantly responded that I would not, as I have given this some momentary consideration in the past. But now, it's really got me thinking.

My first thoughts on the matter are that I see who I want to see now and don't feel any great longing to see anyone who isn't currently in my life. (Wow, that sounds harsh!! But isn't meant harshly) But given further consideration, there are of course those; my posse from the day, whom I would enjoy seeing.

But here's where it gets interesting and I start analyzing (because heaven forbid I don't analyze every situation at nauseum!!). When I see and chat with those on good ole' FB from BHS, I feel myself start to transition to the 16 / 17 year old me. I've posted on this before.

I start taking on old behaviors like covering my horribly crooked teeth, which are no longer crooked as I had braces put on at age 26. I feel myself start to sort of shrink (I wish in actual clothing size, but no..) I feel.... less!

When I look back at young Diane (sorry, I just referred to myself in the third person.. it works here though), I don't dislike her. She was very sweet. Very nice. "Nice" however became an insipid compliment to me at the time as I felt it was condescending. I felt very under valued. Dismissed frequently. I had no idea what it was to boldly express my opinion or even stand up for myself.


When I think of where I am today compared to then, it amazes me. Not because I think so well of myself, but because I am amazed at what God has done in my life.

The 17 year old me could not do what I do now. She could not run a business. She could not help lead in ladies ministry. She could never get up and speak to a sanctuary full of ladies. She could not call someone and tell them they're wrong when it's called for, especially not someone of authority.

The really cool thing is... The 38 year old me can. But not by my own doing, but by the grace of God.

So, do I choose to keep away from a setting that may make this late 30's overweight, happily married, business owning mother of two feel insecure and little. Or,.. Do I go, allowing God to show me what He has done for His glory and get my confidence from Him.

I'm not sure. On one hand, we're told to keep away from temptation. What temptation? The temptation of wallowing in self-loathing and insecurity.

But on the other hand, do I go as we are told to go out and be a light. And if anyone sees a difference in me, I can share where my life journey has led me?

Something to think about...

Monday, September 7, 2009

The "Children" Having Fun

Yesterday, I went on a picnic and then off to the playground with 'the kids'.
Below, you'll see a video of them having fun on the swings.
To hear better (sorry for my cackling) turn off the songs by going to the right hand column and clicking on the big button in the music section.

I had fun swinging too, but there's no evidence :)

from left to right: Jack, Aidan, Julie, Judy, Billy & Julia.
Enjoy!

video