"You've gone through a lot, are you ok?" - "Yes, I did, but it's ok."
These have been common place conversations lately.
There has been lots going on over the last several months. Things like meanness. Gossip. Lying. Name calling. You get the general idea. This is hard enough, but when it happens in the confines of church, it seems to shock and hurt even more as we generally consider church a 'safe place'. The thing to remember is, church is only made up of people and no one is perfect. Sorry if that came as a shock to some (wink wink).
Now details about what I've expereinced are not necessary. The point is that by God's grace, I have never been one to hold onto anger or hold a grudge and so this season has been no different. However, I've always taken for granted that healing just comes automatically.
One day I came up with an analogy that I shared with my husband that I thought really summed it up. I said it's like I took a cooking class with friends and one (or two, or.. ) accidentally slipped with her knife and gave me a little slice. I can forgive that friend so much quicker than the wound will heal. I'm just in the process of the wound healing, I'm fine.
I was quite happy with this analogy. I felt I had hit the nail on the head!
Last Sunday I was at church and was asked again how I was by someone I trust. I said that I was 'ok' and shared my analogy with the man asking. I was expecting him to smile and agree with me, however, he instead said something that really didn't sink in until this morning while doing my hair. He said, "Yeah, but instead of a friend(s) accidentally giving you a little slice, she purposely took the knife and stabbed you in the hand. That's a little harder to handle."......... WOW!!
With a stab wound though, you'd put some packing on it and go to the hospital to make sure there isn't internal damage; then you'd get stitched up and book your follow up appointment to make sure it doesn't get infected.
What I've experienced hasn't been a little accidental slice; it's like stab wounds. They run deep, not at the surface level. I can't put on a little balm and expect that it will heal itself. I need to go to the doctor - to the Great Physician!
I've prayed about all of the situations going on and for other people, but I haven't prayed and asked God to heal me. It seems, selfish almost. But the truth is, if I don't seek medical attention when necessary, the wound can fester and become a bigger problem. I need to have my wounds healed by the only one who truly can.
So, am I ok? Yes, or rather, I will be. I'm just in a season of having my wounds healed, and I trust God that He absolutely will heal them!!