I love the movie 'You've Got Mail'. It is hands down one of my very favorite movies!! (I must stress 'one' as I have about 10 movies that I could watcher over and over again.)
It's on tv as I type this. I began watching this movie that's like an old friend to me and at this 189th viewing it has occurred to me that one of the reasons I adore it so is that I can relate to Kathleen Kelly (the Meg Ryan character) on many levels.
To begin with, there's the obvious. Years ago I used to work for a school supply company first as a proof reader on their catalog, then as an assistant to the Project Manager of Teaching Materials and finally as the administrative assistant to two of the directors. In my second role I fell in love with children’s books - absolutely IN LOVE with them!!! I thoroughly enjoy a well written kids book and I'm complete transported by the beautiful illustrations. I remember the day I opened a box from Scholastic with their latest books to preview and reading 'Lilly's Purple Plastic Purse' for the first time! I'll never forget when I first saw the beautifully illustrated 'Rainbow Fish'. I have dreamed for years of becoming a children’s book author! I have many story lines written out... but that's as far as I've gotten.
So loving children's books as I do it is no surprise that I would love this movie about a small children’s book store that's trying to stay solvent. When Meg Ryan first opens the store at the beginning of the movie (after getting her pumpkin and tall, skim caramel Macchiato) and turns on the lights I fall in love every time!! How I would love to own a store like that! I would even adore being the 'story time lady' complete with pointy princess hat!! I watch it on tv and find that I just want to go into "The Shop Around The Corner" and sit in a chair with children all around and read a favorite story complete with "voices". (my boys love for me to give the characters in the books unique voices)
I can also relate in that when faced with a difficult situation/person she cannot call on the right words for the occasion. I am exactly the same! But then on the rare occasion that the words do flow freely, I am completely consumed with guilt and get no enjoyment from my sudden gift.
Kathleen has great trouble in feeling secure in her decisions and thoughts. Throughout the movie you find her pondering numerous things such as should she meet "NY152", does she love Frank?, why didn't he show?, should she fight to keep her store open, etc... I too have a hard time making a decision and then feeling secure about it. I also just find myself questioning my thoughts and feelings to the point of nausea... Is this just me or a woman thing?
There are so many terrific quotes from this movie that really hit home for me. While writing to her secret email/pen pal she says, "... I feel like a part of me has died, and my mother has died all over again." Having lost my mum to cancer two years ago I understand this statement. Recently I found myself forgetting one of her recipes (yes, I can look it up - but the idea of forgetting something about her is so hard).
Once Kathleen learns that a super store is coming 'around the corner' she begins contemplating what she does. She types this, 'Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, not small, but valuable. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? ....' Wow - this was totally lifted right from my own mind! I do feel that I'm held back by fear/lack of bravery. Oddly enough I was just discussing this with a girlfriend at church this morning. I want so badly to be all that God has planned for me but I allow fear to tie me down.
So as a result of all of these thoughts ricocheting through my mind like 5 year olds in a bouncy house, I come to you with some prayer requests.
1. Lord, please help my hearts desires to be what you will for me.
2. Please help me to not allow fear to have a hold on me but to embrace my freedom in you.
3. Give me the boldness to move forward with what you'd have me do. And if it should involve writing books (children’s or otherwise) please help the creative juices to flow and make it happen.
In all things - your will be done Lord. Amen.
By the way, may I also just throw in that I too love daisies. I must agree Kathleen, daisies are the friendliest flower!
As Kathleen Kelly would say ~ Goodnight great void...