Ladies ladies ladies....
We often are quite offended by the stereotypes that are projected on women.
"Caddy"
"B****y"
"always bickering with friends"
But the fact of the matter is, we sometime bring it on ourselves! I hate to say it, but it's true.
One major pet peeve of mine began back when I was pregnant with my first son. As comments came and went with each passing month, and then continued and became more frequent once he was born, I came to realize something; Women do not support women!!!
Yes, I'm sorry, but very often this is the truth!!!!!
I have joked with my friend Sarah for 6 years now that I want to write a book on this subject. I then was just discussing this with my friend Jen today.
One of the big areas in which we do not support each other, is parenting.
"Oh, you're having a boy? That's too bad."
"What do you mean you aren't breastfeeding still? That's the best way to show your love to your baby."
"You wont sleep again until he goes to college! Ha ha"
"He isn't speaking yet? What's wrong with him?"
"Why are you having him tested? You have to stop comparing and just love him."
"He's climbing! Do you see he's climbing?"
"You haven't signed your kids up for activity 137 yet?"
"Would you just sit down, they're fine. You don't have to watch them 24/7!"
"Wow, if my kids behaved like that I'd spank them!"
The above is just a tiny smattering of comments I have heard from women over the years. Take another
looksie. Do these strike you as encouraging?
Why is it we are so prone at times to look at another mom just to see her every flaw? (whether it be a true flaw, or simply just not 'our way')
I personally get most picked on for being what some call a 'helicopter mom'. Have you heard of this one? It's where a mother doesn't just sit, she walks around the playground keeping an eye on her kids (to some, this is hovering).
Other mom's are super laid back - and there are those who would criticize women for being that way. Do you work out of the home? Stay home? Allow
tv? Not allow
tv?... on and on.
What I think we all need to realize is that we all parent the best way we know how. Our parenting styles are shaped by our life experiences, belief systems, current life situations and our children's personalities.
When I think about my parenting style and what has shaped it, I'm reminded of many past experiences that have contributed to making me who I am. ~
At 8 I was home alone with my sister and her friend at 11:30 pm. My parents were out. We hear a knock on the door and see a man looking through the windows at the top of the door. This stranger kept trying to open the door and was telling us to let him in. He was drunk, and clearly in the wrong place. We sat there clinging to our buttons while my sister called and asked my parents to come home. Just before my parents arrived home, the man stumbled off.
A few years later I had gone with some of my family members to the Jr. High school where they played volleyball once a month. I went outside with another girl to get something out of my dad's car. As we walked back up to the school, a car with 3 older teenage boys drove up. The boys told us to get in the car. We just stared. They said it again and a knife was pulled from the back seat. We tried to go back in, but the doors were locked. Just as one of the boys started to get out of the car, my dad came out to get a drink. If my dad hadn't come out then.......
Just out of high school, went on a first date. He was bringing me home when he stopped a block from my home. Thankfully, my screaming scared him and I was able to get out of the car and run home.....
I have experienced fear (in more situations than what I've listed). I know what it is to be in a dangerous situation as a child/young woman. These events have contributed to shaping who I've become and how I parent.
People can site statistics, articles, studies, so called 'doctors' on
tv and so forth as to why they believe what they believe when it comes to parenting and to justify their stance on what is 'correct'. However, I am of the firm belief that when you strip it all down, what it really comes down to is this - "You should parent exactly the way I do because that's the correct way."
What truly fascinates me about this tendency is this, I have yet to meet anyone who firmly states that their parents were absolutely perfect! Yet amazingly, there are women of every generation who are adamant that their ways are the right ways and will quickly judge anyone who doesn't meet with their standards.
Ladies, can't we just accept each other differences and all?
Can't we come to the understanding that we are all uniquely made and have beliefs and life experiences that vary greatly?
Isn't the most important thing that we each parent our children with love and do the best job that we can?
Please understand, I will be the first one to admit that I too can be prone to wanting to judge someone with a different take on things. It's something I've been very convicted about as I have been on the receiving end of the judgement and have listened to friends who have called heart sick over someones criticism.
Women have such an amazing capacity to love and share and yes, even to encourage.
I pray we will all do our best to give that love, and share encouraging words with other mothers as we all continue our work at the toughest and best job in the world!
Let us shed the bad stereotypes! Encourage one another!! We all need more support than our bras can offer!!
Hebrews 10:24 And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.
