The lighting was dim. Typically medical centers have harsh fluorescent lighting. I think the designers purposefully made this little waiting room dim to help ladies feel relaxed. Whether waiting to have your mammogram due to a specific concern, a yearly check up or even a base scan, the moments in the waiting room can feel like a most uneasy eternity.
Sitting there with my purse, keys and all clothing from the waist up stuffed into the canvas bin on my lap (fear not, I did have a flimsy little johnny on) I felt very alone. Of course, I was not the only person there. I heard the sound of nurses, doctors and technicians feet clad in soft souled shoes quickly treading this way and that, but sitting there I couldn't help but face the realization that in times like this, you really are alone. Even though when you head into the mammography room and you have a very amiable technician, aka sculpture, shoving, squishing and molding your body into just the right position to be pressed between two hard pieces of plastic as if your breast is a panini; it really is just you and the machine. This large cold piece of equipment holds the answers to every women's fears.
But I am thankful. No, I haven't received my results yet. I am thankful because what could have been a situation that in the past would have had me turning inside out, I had peace. Peace in knowing that in fact, I was not.. I am not alone. Jesus was with me in that waiting room, and came in with me as the technician started reading off my families history, "You have cancer all around you", and stayed with me as I got dressed again and headed out to meet up with my sister who was watching my youngest son. He is with me right now and gives me peace knowing that I should have the results in a week or so. And peace knowing that He will be right there with me regardless of the results.
God willing, the scans will be completely clear! I have no specific concern. But I think this is a fear of all women, especially when you have a family history of it. But God is good! He is with me always, and continues to shower me with His grace through every difficult and trying situation.
Difficult situations can spring up to meet us on a daily basis. This is why I try to be in God's word on a daily basis.
There are a few pieces of scripture that have really stuck with me lately from Proverbs - the book of wisdom.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight.
and
Proverbs 3:25 - 26
Do not be afraid of sudden fear,
Nor of the onslaught of the wicked when it comes;
For the Lord will be your confidence,
And will keep your foot from being caught.
Wow! Don't be afraid of fear. Just let your mind wrap itself around that for a moment. And a straight path that I don't have to find on my own! Thank you! I can't find my way out of a paper bag.
My daily difficulties/concerns have been trying lately. But they are bearable. Bearable because I am not alone. I don't have to fear fear. I don't have to figure out the right path on my own (thank heavens because I'd never find it!).
When sitting in the various waiting rooms in life, you don't have to rely on the dim lighting and soothing music to keep you at peace. Go to the source of peace that surpassed all understanding.
photo: 'Hells Waiting Room' from FlickR
