Something To Think About..

I was asked today by a new 'friend' on Facebook (a darling former classmate) if I will be attending our 20th reunion in a few months. (boy, 20 year reunion sounds terrible ;)

I instantly responded that I would not, as I have given this some momentary consideration in the past. But now, it's really got me thinking.

My first thoughts on the matter are that I see who I want to see now and don't feel any great longing to see anyone who isn't currently in my life. (Wow, that sounds harsh!! But isn't meant harshly) But given further consideration, there are of course those; my posse from the day, whom I would enjoy seeing.

But here's where it gets interesting and I start analyzing (because heaven forbid I don't analyze every situation at nauseum!!). When I see and chat with those on good ole' FB from BHS, I feel myself start to transition to the 16 / 17 year old me. I've posted on this before.

I start taking on old behaviors like covering my horribly crooked teeth, which are no longer crooked as I had braces put on at age 26. I feel myself start to sort of shrink (I wish in actual clothing size, but no..) I feel.... less!

When I look back at young Diane (sorry, I just referred to myself in the third person.. it works here though), I don't dislike her. She was very sweet. Very nice. "Nice" however became an insipid compliment to me at the time as I felt it was condescending. I felt very under valued. Dismissed frequently. I had no idea what it was to boldly express my opinion or even stand up for myself.

When I think of where I am today compared to then, it amazes me. Not because I think so well of myself, but because I am amazed at what God has done in my life.

The 17 year old me could not do what I do now. She could not run a business. She could not help lead in ladies ministry. She could never get up and speak to a sanctuary full of ladies. She could not call someone and tell them they're wrong when it's called for, especially not someone of authority.

The really cool thing is... The 38 year old me can. But not by my own doing, but by the grace of God.

So, do I choose to keep away from a setting that may make this late 30's overweight, happily married, business owning mother of two feel insecure and little. Or,.. Do I go, allowing God to show me what He has done for His glory and get my confidence from Him.

I'm not sure. On one hand, we're told to keep away from temptation. What temptation? The temptation of wallowing in self-loathing and insecurity.

But on the other hand, do I go as we are told to go out and be a light. And if anyone sees a difference in me, I can share where my life journey has led me?

Something to think about...