Where To Start?

Do you ever feel like there are a million and one things to do and most tasks are of just about equal importance?
Then when you finally dive in, you begin one thing and get distracted with another thing because you realize you really can't complete the first task without seeing to this newly found task first? Does this sound confusing? If it does, then you get my current state of mind.

Then coupled with this overwhelming sense of "I've got to get stuff done!!!" you are also riddled with guilt because in order to get 'stuff done' it means that you are not interacting with your child. And this is your last year home with this cihld too!!

Oh - and then (yes, this is all going through my mind at the same time) what in the world am I going to do about work any way??? I currently am a licensed home day care provider that does a preK enrichment program (as opposed to full time M-F care, totally not cut out for that), but the kids I have this year will be off to school next year. Do I start to advertise to see if I can get any new families, or do I get and out-of-the-nut-house job? If so, what can I do so that I don't have to put my kids in child care? And if I must resort to child care, what can I do that will earn enough money so that I actually bring money home after paying for said child care. pant... pant... pant...

This my friends is why I have been having such trouble falling asleep at night! I've tried writing my concerns down on paper before bed (this has been suggested by friends and doctor), but it does not help.

But then I am reminded, as the beautiful hymn (His Eye Is On The Sparrow) says:
Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come....
When Jesus is my portion? My constant Friend is He
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Lord, help me to choose to not be burdend with worry, but to choose your peace. I ask you to guide my every step, and help me to remember that YOU are in control. Amen

Because I Love Him

I'd like to introduce you to a very important member of our family.  His name?  Monkey Buddy.

Monkey Buddy comes with us on all trips to theme parks, museums and other large gatherings.

MB attracts attention where ever we go.  People smile, point and sometimes, grimace and shake their heads.  We tell him to not mind THOSE kinds of people as they just don't understand.

Do you know who does understand our good friend MB?  Anyone who has ever, even for just one teensie tiny moment thought that their child was lost.

It happened to us once when our oldest was about 5.  We were at the Children's Museum in Boston.  We were on the elevator, not because we were too lazy to walk a few steps but because son # 1 was in a stroller.  Up we were going when the elevator stopped to let someone out on floor #2.  We were going up to floor #3.  We were all there... everything was good.  Then, just as the doors were shutting, our 5 year old went through the doors and they shut!  It was the longest 30 seconds of my entire life!  ( why'd he do that? He saw someone leaving and at the last second thought it was us.)
Instantly we could hear him crying in panic.  We tried yelling through the elevator that we were coming.  My husband bound through the 3rd floor opening and bolted down the stairs.  Thankfully the floors are open so when we got out and started yelling to him, he could hear us.  Some nice lady saw what happened and stayed with him until my husband got down there.  For a while, I never thought I could take my kids to places like that again - I had been far more frightened than my son because I was far more aware of all that could of happened (but didn't, thank you Jesus!!) than he.

Another time at the super market after making new friends in the isles as we went a shoppin' (you know how you keep seeing the same people even if you're going in different directions?) we heard a mother's panic in the check out line.  Our 'friends', a young mother with her 2 year old son and newborn baby, were a few people behind us in line when the mother noticed that the 2 year old was gone.  The panic in her heart broke voice sent chills down my spine.  "I know this feeling" I thought.  This was a very rare occassion when I was actually shopping with my husband and both children.  I told my husband - 'stay here with them!' and off I went.

I went running to the far end of the store yelling for Andrew and asking folks in the isles if they'd seen a small boy (everyone in the store was at a standstill as they could hear the mom yelling - even though they really didn't know what was going on.  and... can I just say that Shaw's did NOTHING to help!!!  they didn't have employees help, they didn't stop people from leaving the store - NOTHING!! and the manager was well aware of what was going on!).  Finally an older lady said to me 'I did see a boy by himself down there climbing into a shelf' pointing down the paper goods isle.  Ok - #1 - you see a 2 year old by himself and that didn't raise a red flag?! #2 - He was climbing on a shelf, and again...nothing?
Speaking of #2, when I got down to little Andrew, I do believe his reason for seperation was that he was at the age where he was about ready to potty train and wanted a little privacy if you know what I mean.  I scooped the little man up in my arms and started yelling for the people at the end of the isle to tell the mom I had him!
By the time I got into the car, I just sat and cried.  Not my kid - true!  Didn't even know them (other than saying 'hello' and warning the mom that he was filling her cart with frosting) - true!  But I'm a mom.  I knew her terror!

So, Monkey Buddy.... Don't get him?  Don't really care!!!  It keeps my child safe in situations where he could become easily lost and I love my son just as much (read 1000 x more!!) as another loves their animal (I like animals too).  So I will go on using our dear Monkey Buddy until age/behavior render him no longer necessary.

But I will say that as we were leaving the Museum of Science yesterday, a police officer pointed to us and said "Love those!! They make my job so much better.  Thank you for using one of those lady!"  So there scoffers!!!

Don't Make Me Go!

Raising boys means that you sometimes have to go where you otherwise would never go.

One such place, the barber. (please read this as though I were Jerry talking about Newman)

I really dread going to the barber. I even subject the boys to my pathetic attempts at wielding the clippers in hopes of prolonging the inevitable next trip to ... the barber.

It all started about 5 years ago...

Picture it, townie barber shop decked to the hilt in Boston sport paraphernalia. In walks a mother with her 2+ year old son. Mother is prepared with toys and a drink to entertain young son. What this poor unsuspecting mother does not know, is that she needed to plan over an hours worth of diversions. One barber shop in town - you take a number like at a deli and an hours wait is considered pretty quick!
The moment she walked in, glances were exchanged between the men. Conversations are obviously being redirected. While woman struggles to keep child amused, more glances and smug smiles are exchange. Comments about wives, girlfriends and the 'inferior sex' in general are being tossed about as woman wishes she could body check the next beer bellied client from his spot - get child's hair cut done and get out!!
After what seems like an eternity in testosterone hell, their number is called.
Son is lifted onto the cute horse seat in preparation for the cut to begin. Mother explains to barber (again!) that son has sensory integration issues. (hate the sound of nails on a chalk board? imagine that all loud sounds are amplified and the annoyance you feel with that sound is multiplied a hundred times over and you'll get the idea of what it is to have auditory sensory issues.) The child wont freak out, but does squirm and wince. Mother assures barber that she'll be happy with him just doing the best he can - not worried about imperfections due to squirmy child.
Cut begins.... squirming begins (again, not crying or trying to get up - I've totally seen worse!) chastising begins... "Come on buddy - this is nothing".."Stop acting like a baby and sit still".. to the mother "Just tell him to not move his head"...
There's now an murmur through the shop that begins increasing in volume making situation even more unbearable....

This uncomfortable situation has been played out many a time over the last several years. Not always the same circumstances (son #1 has mostly outgrown sensory issues and now sits beautifully, although his eyes may be shut tight through a lot of it) but always, super uncomfortable.

I feel like I'm walking into the men's lodge and have no business being there. And I tell ya, I really don't want to intrude on their sports talkin, female insulting, crass humor bonding time!! But... the hubs wont take them....

So if it's not challenging enough to be the Ladyofthehouse (a challenge that I love 99% of the time)- I also have to be the lady of the barber shop too!!

*Note: There was another woman at the barbers today - but she doesn't count. This is because she was a size 4 blond with fake nails and heels on. Women who look like that are warmly welcomed into the barbers! Go figure! ;)

Too Funny Not to Record

And The Word Is...

2010 is here!

I was in bed last night by 8:40 (completely unheard of!) so I was not up to usher it in - but alas, it came anyway as it always does.

I've never been one to get greatly excited over the new year. I don't go out and party. Never loved the whole 'resolution' thing.. Didn't even like watching Dick Clark count down the ball in Times Square. (no offense to Mr. Clark)

Yet even with this, the older I get my views on this time of year have changed. The year seems to wind down in a series of celebrations (halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas) before it ends, welcoming in a 'fresh start'. I believe that is what most people find so attractive - the idea of a 'fresh start'. Let's face it - even as adults there are times when we'd like a 'do-over' - but alas, that can not happen. So what's the next closest thing? How about a new year?

You open your new calendar and all of the squares are blank. What will you choose to fill the boxes in with - and what will be chosen for you? What plans will you make? What surprises do these days hold in store? What trials may come? What great joys shall over flow your cup?

Many things we can not control - but as I've said once and I'll say yet again - our attitude is one thing that we can at least attempt to control.

So - to that end, I have thought and thought, and prayed and thought, and bit my nails (I haven't bit my nails since I was a child), and ate some chocolate, and thought and ate more chocolate and drank cup after cup of tea and finally... I was stuck on 2 words. Which would become my 'theme word of the year'?

drum roll please.......

FIT

As with all of my 'words of the year', this too has many meanings.

Of course your first thought may be "yea, yea, you wanna lose weight like everyone else" - and while there is some truth to that - FIT is representing so much more for me.

When considering this word for me theme - I went to visit my dear friend Mr. Webster to consult with him. Here is what he told me:

1. adapted to an end or design; suitable by nature or by art. acceptable from a particular viewpoint (such as morality)

2. put into a suitable state, to make ready. being in such a state as to be or seem ready to do or suffer something.

3. sound physically and mentally

So now that I was equipped with the exact meanings of my theme word - I am now ready to apply it to my life this 2010.

1. My faith is of tremendous importance to me! I feel however, that I am frequently trying to 'squeeze God in'. This is not 'acceptable'. I need to make God 'FIT' into my life and make my faith life "FIT". Weather it be a whole chapter or section of a study or simply one verse from the Psalms, I know that I must begin each day with God's word. It is the only thing in this world that is unchanging and without error! For all else to go right in my life - I must make my faith FIT.

2. 'To put into a suitable state"??? are you kidding? I could write out a whole list that would take an entire roll of Charmin to record it all! But rather than an exorbitant amount of time detailing all areas this applies to - I'll just write a few key areas: my business, my educational/career goals, finances, the kitchen, my office, etc... I'll take them one task at a time and FIT them into my schedule as to make them a priority in my life - without stressing myself out so much that I become unFIT. :)

3. Lastly - 'physically and mentally FIT'. I have already taken a few steps to begin my journey down this road. On many levels, this will be the hardest application of my theme word. But once again - although I will FIT time in for me, to take better overall care of myself, I will take this one step at a time. Offering praise for each victory and humbling myself to ask for help when I need it.

This will be a journey my friends - an uphill one at that at times.

To help me on my journey, and maybe you as well, I will be starting a new blog entitled

"It's Time" - my journey to a better me".

It will be raw and honest. It will help me to face the reality of situations seeing it in type.

Will I still have this blog? YES! Here is where I will still blog about my everyday happenings and observances about life, faith and what seems to be very frequent in my topics - my boys.

The other blog I will post to a minimum of once a week to track my journey and share what I'm going through - what has worked for me - and what isn't.

Well my friends - Happy New Year to you!

I pray that whatever 'resolutions' - 'goals' - or 'themes' you've set for yourself will be a great success!!

God Bless

Did I Have Order in 09'?

My Mum always used to say, 'the older you get, the faster time goes.' Mum, you were right!

It seems as if we just began the year 2009 and yet here we are about to say goodbye to it and greet 2010.

Before I look forward to the new year, I always like to look back. What have I done, accomplished, experienced.... I love history. I feel the best way to prepare for the future is to look back and see what worked and what did not.

I have had some success' over the past 12 months as well as some less than stellar results. But that's life, isn't it?

Beginning a few years ago, I started coming up with a theme word for my year. I take this quite seriously and really reflect and see where I need to go.

For 2008, my word was 'Simplify'. I started the year well with this goal, but the passing of my much beloved mum made this goal seem very unimportant.

For 2009 my word has been 'Order'. So, how have I done?
Let's start on an up-note shall we... I did get many things organized! My closets for instance (which I had shared in a fall post). I went through the hall, linen, boys and my closets and cleaned them out completely! Got rid of the excess (including about 6 pairs of black velvet shoes... why? really..) and created space for everything that legitimately needs to be stored.

I also cleaned out the cupboards and drawers in the kitchen. I wish I could tell you that it has all stayed Martha Stewart standard condition. but alas..

I organized my child care folders and files and began a lesson plan book so that hopefully I will cut down on the work I have to do in years to come.

These have all been great accomplishments!

When it comes to my calendar, I have had minimal success here. I did go through the calendar and mark off family days, date nights and the like - but to my dismay, there are things that we can not just dismiss. How dare the Boy Scouts for instance not check with our calendar prior to scheduling community events. :) I also forgot to write in all of the family birthdays. Typically, I do this at the beginning of January, but this past year for some reason I only filled in the birthdays for the first few months of the year. This proved to be problematic as I am the one who reminds my husband of his family's' birthdays - so if I mess up... oops! Sorry to any we called a day late this year!!

Spiritually, again I did so so. Rather than a basket, I have turned a brown and pink tote bag I received at a Women of Faith conference I went to a few years ago into my worship center. In it I keep a Bible (I use more than one when I'm really studying a topic/passage - but no need to carry them all around), notebook for taking notes at studies, devotions and I also use it as my prayer journal, pens, etc.. This has worked well. I have also been blessed to begin a new study with the ladies at my church that will run year round, Foundations. I wish I could report that I have been unfailingly devoted to my daily devotions, but I must honestly tell you that I still struggle to spend quality time with the Lord daily. Thankfully, He never gives up on us!!

As for having order in my physical life..... I have not tracked my food. I have not made time for exercise. I have honestly earned an 'F' in this category.

So all in all.... I would give myself a 'B'. But in saying that, should I really be grading myself on life? Wow - that a whole new level of pressure. Forget that. Let's just said I did ok.

Now, are you ready for my word for 2010?

That's another post.

Do you have goals for 2010 or a theme word? Share.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas my friends!

This is not only my first post in quite some time, but also, my first post from my new lap top my husband gave me for Christmas. Thanks!

I have had many 'Oh, I've goooooot to blog about this!' moments - but not the time to tap them out.

For the time being, I'd like to just blog about today.

Some great moments:
1. My boys were told that they couldn't come out of their room until 6:00 am - this is a lot to ask as the oldest wakes up each day at around 4:30 am! But they did great! I got up very early to retrieve the stockings that Santa had filled and put them in their bedroom so they could explore those while waiting for the old folks to get up. We got up at about 5:40, got the coffee brewing/tea steeping and cameras on the ready. The boys did well and were running down the hall by 6.
2. Son number one walked into the living room, hammed it up for the camera, and explored gifts under the tree all while seeming to be completely oblivious to the big red bike right next to the tree. When something was finally said about the bike, he simply said it was for mum or dad.. never occurring to him that it could be for him! I told him to read the tag to let us all know who it was for. Next we heard mumbling and then he exclaimed "Sweeeeeeettttt"!
3. Took a lot of leg work to find just the right toys - but as always seems to be the case, son number two's favorite toy from the day was the $10 Rockem' Sockem' game. Not a big shock as the little guy has some aggression issues (hoping this will become a good outlet).
4. I got a laptop computer! What do I need one of these for? It had been becoming increasingly clear to us that this would be a good idea as I 1. run my own business, 2. help lead ladies ministries in my church, 3 have been thinking about going back to school. (any suggestions on majors? I'm thinking child care as it's what I do now.. but not 100% sure.
5. Dinner - yummy!! Great company too as my husbands parents came and joined us. Good food & good company.

But more than these great memories I will cherish for years to come - What I like most about this day is that it is all to celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ!

Thank you God for giving us your son. Thank you for loving us so much!! Thank you for a gift too marvelous for our minds to fully comprehend.

Happy Birthday Jesus!!